im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize