this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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