Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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