is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
