i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
