I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize