i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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