Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
