Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I forget how to act sober
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
