also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize