i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize