Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
