your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
