i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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