i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
