porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
