hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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