sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
