I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
