put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
