I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
