I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize