You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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