I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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