i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
17 year olds will be the death of me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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