ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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