tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
