I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
