i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
