I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
