i permit you to call me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
