I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There are leaves in my underwear?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
