WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
