she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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