You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I understand Curling. That high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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