I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize