she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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