Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
