AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
