biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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