Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
