I need to stop coming to work sober
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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