The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
