I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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