just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
