i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
