I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
