only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
