I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it's great music for shaving your balls
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
