I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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