so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize