You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
