So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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