Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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