how do flat chested girls get laid?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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