Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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