woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize