im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
