just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he puts the penis in happiness.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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