I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
