i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize