we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
