She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
