Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
