dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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