glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
