U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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