Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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