just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
