I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
