on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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