SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there's paper in my vomit.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
