I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
