how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
