i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Terrible idea I love it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
