Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
