We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize