you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
