No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
