but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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