how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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