Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
