I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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