i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize