glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got her a Nickelback box set.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
