yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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