come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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