Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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