is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
