I got chris browned last night
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize