I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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