puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
