in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
