saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
