she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize