I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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