If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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