He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
