I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
