Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize